January 22, 2014 at 11:06pm
Unimaginable things happened the year I was 24. I’ve written about it and will probably continue to do so from time to time.
- It was such a year of loss. I lost teachers, friends, roommates, and more.
- My heart broke. A lot. In several different ways. It’s been years since I’ve referred to myself as heartbroken.
- I left my established life in Nairobi and broke a contract with a job I loved because I felt like I didn’t know myself anymore.
- There was a lot of risk-taking. In relationships, in friendships, in entrepreneurial ventures. Some people stepped all over me, but others opened their arms to me and that made the vulnerability worth it.
- I stepped into solopreneurship- something I had never believed I would ever do.
- I learned more about myself than I ever expected. How I carry my experiences in Nairobi with me, issues I’ve pushed back for years. I learned not to apologize for what I want or for how I feel. I learned what it feels like to reach my limits and how to emerge bruised and battered, but intact.
Thanks for all the lessons, 24. Here’s to 25 being an even better year.
(Source: oe-uvre, via yogachick)
Depression, the secret we share
Valuing one’s depression does not prevent a relapse, but it may make the prospect of relapse and even relapse itself easier to tolerate. The question is not so much of finding great meaning and deciding your depression has been very meaningful. It’s of seeking that meaning and thinking, when it comes again, "This will be hellish, but I will learn something from it.” I have learned in my own depression how big an emotion can be, how it can be more real than facts, and I have found that that experience has allowed me to experience positive emotion in a more intense and more focused way. The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and these days, my life is vital, even on the days when I’m sad…
I think that while I hated being depressed and would hate to be depressed again, I’ve found a way to love my depression. I love it because it has forced me to find and cling to joy. I love it because each day I decide, sometimes gamely, and sometimes against the moment’s reason, to cleave to the reasons for living. And that, I think, is a highly privileged rapture.
January 6, 2014 at 10:34pm
The typewriter obsession continues
by Mandy Cave
Words to keep in mind for 2014
December 31, 2013 at 3:59pm
Beautiful Moments from 2013
My life in photos, in chronological order:
December 25, 2013 at 10:25pm
Grief never ends, but it changes.
It’s a passage, not a place to stay.
The sense of loss must give way if we are to value the life that was lived.
Grief is not a sign of weakness nor lack of faith, it is the price of love.
Given the last few months, this feels especially poignant. The three month mark of Westgate passed a few days ago. I still feel constantly surprised by how different things have been since then, yet how much life goes on and stays the same.
December 24, 2013 at 5:49pm
With the holiday season has come a sense of realizing again that everything will be ok, rediscovering my joy, finding laughter easily and in the smallest places.
Happy holidays, everyone.
December 14, 2013 at 9:48pm
A Day in the Life
- 6:30 AM: Wake up. I’m tired, because my brother and I stayed up late last night to watch old, tear inducing/heart warming Google ads on YouTube.
- 7:00 AM: Hop on a bus across Manhattan. Start reading, but stop to look out the window because there is nothing like NYC early in the morning. Even Times Square is wonderful at this time.
- 7:30 AM: Breakfast meeting over coffee and croissants. Thought-provoking and insightful talk about life and work. Made waking up at 6:30 AM worth it.
- 8:30 AM: Two talks about Ulysses Grant and Creighton Abrams. I know admittedly little about either, especially the latter. Consider being a historian. Decide I like being an ethnographer better.
- 12:00 PM: Leave the talk to go to another wonderful, thought-provoking meal about edtech, social impact, consulting, art, and more. I like the people I get to meet in New York.
- 2:00 PM: Interviews and observation at my latest (corporate) field site. Talking to people for hours at a time gets exhausting, but I like the floor staff and the characters I meet.
- 8:00 PM: Home, after a long subway ride and trudging through the snow. Big bowl of pasta as my pre-race meal for tomorrow. Carbo-loading is among my favorite thing about running.
- 9:30 PM: Sitting at my computer, wrapping up work and figuring out meetings and work for the next week. Ready to fall asleep at my keyboard. I’m a granny. Or a sissy. Or both. But whatever, because life is good.